BELLA: So did you do the chemistry homework?EDWARD: Like, 100 years ago.
BELLA: No, seriously. Quit making jokes about our age difference. I have to do my homework before I go home and cook my dad his dinner.
EDWARD: You are a magnificent flower and the sweet cherry atop my... more life's sundae. Marry me and your life will be distilled bliss, for I do not eat food that requires cooking, and I am rich enough that your chemistry grade matters not a whit.
BELLA: Um, let's not talk about what you eat.
EDWARD: Your wish is my command, fragrant blossom.
BELLA: I don't understand how you can say that. I'm just a plain, awkward girl who needs to strap herself to the commode so she doesn't fall off. Accident-prone is my middle name.
EDWARD: I will sneak into your bathroom and offer my steady, marble-like arms as your supports. No harm shall come to you, my pet.
BELLA: OK, but you have to be really quiet about it and stuff, because my dad is, like, the police chief and even though he can't cook his own dinner, he will totally OWN your undead badonkadonk if he catches you.
EDWARD: (Laughs) Did you just see that? I sprinted to the end of these mossy rocks and back in less time than you took to say badonkadonk.
BELLA: Kiss me unchastely, you sexy beast.
EDWARD: Let's do your chemistry first, and then we shall go for a ride in my Volvo.
BELLA: See? I am ugly. My vampire boyfriend doesn't even want to neck.
EDWARD: Yes, this is a vintage Members Only jacket. You know how you weren't born yet in the '80s, Bella? I was. In fact, I was an 80-year-old man trapped in the body of a 17-year-old vampire. I wear this ensemble without irony. What'd you say? You asked if was I in high school... more then, too? Indeed I was. I am repeating high school because when you're as good looking as I am, high school is fun. It's amazing to me how people in Forks haven't noticed. No, Bella. No, of course not, my pet! Of course you're the first girl in my life I've ever kissed. Yes, you're pretty. Bella! BELLA! Come back!
BELLA: I like this jacket a lot better.EDWARD: I will burn the other and sprinkle the ashes in the four corners of the Earth, so that it never offends you again.
BELLA: You're amazing.
EDWARD: You're amazing.
BELLA: No, you are.
EDWARD: I said it first.
BELLA: No, ... more actually, I did. Just look at the transcript.
EDWARD: You're right, my alabaster fairy. Would you mind scooting away from the waterfall? You're making me nervous.
BELLA: So are you saying I'm clumsy? I knew it. You couldn't possibly love me. You are like a god and I am an adolescent head case.
EDWARD: Shh, love. Don't talk. Let me carry you on my back as though you were either a toddler or a sack of potatoes. Then we will ride in my Volvo and not engage in any carnal activities whatsoever.
BELLA: You're amazing.
EDWARD: No, you are. (Repeat...)
4 comments:
That was so freakin funny!!!
All my friends are going to the movie on Friday and I just can't make myself go because I don't want to dive back into the craziness of Twilight. At least not at full price. As much as I loved how the series started and ended, so much of it was so stupid I just can't go through with it again. "The Lost Script" portrays exactly how I feel about it...purely ridiculous!
Christine! that made me laugh so hard! I have read each of the books like 3 times over (don't ask, i'm obsessed) and a lot of that stuff sounds exactly like what they would say! I love Twilight but yes it is pretty stupid once you think about it!
~haylee
Okay, that was sooo funny! I love Twilight, but sometimes it really was like that lost script portrayed! I saw the movie last night and have mixed feelings about it - let me know how you like it when you go -k-? BTW, I think it's awesome that you're doing marathons - you're my hero!
Ohh ohh stealing this! I left the lyrics to the parody on my blog!
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